5.31.2001
Saves The Day - HoldOh well, you've got me under your spell and I don't think that I'm kidding around.
I don't think I can forget you now. I once sat up on my roof and examined the planning of my town.
I saw the structured grid and pavement cutting through grass and I remembered the cold of winter running up the legs of my pants.
I picked the nicest lawn and imagined the two of us rolling around down along the ground.
I saw myself touch your face and I noticed jets begin to race above our heads.
And I pinched my arm and remembered how much you hate me.
I remembered the fact that I can't see what you need and I'm too stupid to be aware of the beauty that you give this place and how shitty this town would seem without you in it.
When you aren't around I let the shades fall down to shut out all the sun's light and make myself feel all right.
What am I doing with my life?
Oh well, you've got me under your spell and I don't think that I'm kidding around.
I don't think I can forget you now.
Remember that the only things we need sometimes are chilly nights and warmer thighs, 'cause there's nothing like being held...sometimes.
How beautiful is that?
blogged by Chaz @ 4:57 PM
5.30.2001
Let me tell you about a girl (brat) named Kristen.
Kristen is an amazing (and bratty) friend of mine. She's Australian (how sexy), and she's moving to the US in a little over two weeks. We're both moving to Portland, Oregon, where she'll start her dream of running a record label, and I will build a teleportation device in our basement. (Next to the studio, so that when people think they're walking into the sound booth, they're actually transported to Boring, Oregon. We might lose lots of recording engineers that way, but oh well.)
Kristen has, over the last few months of knowing her, become very close to me. (And she smells like dingo.) I now can't imagine a day that goes by, without somehow involving my friend Kristen in it. She is providing me with a "non-job job", and bringing me a ton of happiness in tow. (And vegemite. Lots and lots of vegemite.)
I can't speak enough good things about Kristen, she's really just an angel in disguise. (as a devilish brat) I can't wait for her and I to hit the punk shows and mosh with the crowds. I can't wait til we are putting on the punk shows with the bands signed to the label. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...for it all to happen.
So Kristen, my good, good friend Kristen...you are my Rainbow. Thanks for all the beautiful colors. (colours, as she would type it)
I do love you so, Kristen. *muah*
PS - No, there's no subliminal messages at all throughout the above post. ;0)
blogged by Chaz @ 1:37 AM
5.29.2001
Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. :0Pblogged by Chaz @ 5:08 PM
blogged by Chaz @ 1:00 PM
5.28.2001
Make sure when you visit So Ya Wanna, you have The Great Goosini read your palm, and analyze your handwriting.Toughest thing about it? Damn it's hard to write in cursive! Stupid useless way to write! :0P
blogged by Chaz @ 12:37 AM
5.27.2001
Anyone need to get married? Nothing is more romantic than accepting your new wife...C.O.D. Russia. :0PNeed to send an anonymous phone call to someone? IMbot will call that person and read your message in a creepy computerized voice to the unsuspecting chump. It's great for backing out of family functions!
Wanna know how to donate your sperm or fake an appreciation for art? At So Ya Wanna, you learn how to do just about everything; from how to hold a seance to the less useful how to buy presents that people will actually want. Now, if they only told me how to write something funny for this paragraph.
Well today was quite boring, just worked a very quiet Sunday. It's sad that the only excitement out of my day is watching Hamsters race.
blogged by Chaz @ 11:28 PM
5.26.2001
Monologue from "SubUrbia" by Eric Bogosian(typed out from memory by Chaz Donovan)
"...when I was walkin', I realized he's stuck in that limo all the time. He's stuck with the interviews, he's stuck with the autographs, he has to do whatever his manager tells him to do ya know? He's not free, he's just part of the machine. And if you think about it, freedom is all that there really is.
You know, it used to scare me so much that I didn't know what was coming in my life. You know, like I used to think, well what if I make the wrong move. But maybe there isn't any right move, ya know?! I mean look at us! We all talk the same, we all dress the same, we all fuck the same, we all watch the same TV! Nobody's really different even if they think they're different! "Oh boy, look at my tattoo", ya know?!
And ya see, that's what makes me free. Because I can do anything I want, as long as I don't care about the result. Anything is possible. It is night, on planet Earth, and I'm alive! And..and someday I'll be dead. Someday I'll just be bones in a box, but right now I'm not, and anything is possible and that's why I can move to New York with Sooze, because each moment can just be what it is! There's no failure! There's no mistake! I just go there, and live there, and what happens, happens.
And so right now I'm getting naked. And I'm not afraid, ya know? I...I don't need money, man! I...I don't even need a future! I could..I could knock out all my teeth with a hammer, so what!??! I..I...I could poke my eyes out, I'd still be alive, ya know?! At least I would know I was real for two or three seconds ya know?!? It's all about fear, and I'm not afraid anymore man....fuck it!
FUCK FEAR!"
(The above monologue I've performed numerous times in front of an audience and for audition boards. In my performance during the "getting naked" part, I am actually taking off my clothes, and by the end of the scene, I am bareassed and shirtless while screaming "FUCK FEAR"! It's quite a rush, and my most favorite monologue to have in my toolbelt for auditions. It speaks a great deal of truth, to whoever hears, reads, or performs it. Anything is possible.)
blogged by Chaz @ 11:31 PM
Just tonight I fell asleep on the floor. Hard spanish tile floor. I just layed down on my back, and didn't even think about how my bones weren't cushioned. I just conked out. Of course I did wake up 15 minutes later, a bit dazed. Like, "where am I?!" That's another thing, have you ever woken up in a place that should be familiar, and you think you're somewhere else? Like you bolt up out of bed and stare at the room around you to only realize it's the guest bedroom of your parents, or better yet, your own bedroom you've been living in for the past year. (I guess you could also wake up and actually *be* in a place you don't know, with a *person* you don't know....oh boy, scary situation there....*cough* not that I've done it or anything.)
I slept through a car accident with a greyhound bus once. My family was hit head-on on a freeway by a greyhound, and I slept through every second of it. I didn't wake up until I was hanging halfway out of the van, with a blanket over me, and some lady from the bus trying to wake me up. Talk about waking up in all of the senarios I mentioned above. A weird position to sleep in (a car seat), a weird position to wake up from (halfway out the side door of a van), a weird place to wake up in, (on the side of a freeway), and a weird person to wake up to (some lady from a bus slapping my face lightly).
Shock to the ump-teenth degree.
blogged by Chaz @ 12:16 AM
5.25.2001
Well it's no secret anymore that I'm leaving CollegeClub to pursue other ventures. Life is vast, exciting, and dangerous. Just the way I like it. I have moved 6 times in the past 3 years or something. All decisions to move made in the past were done by the seat of my pants! Why not?! What's to lose?
So I'm moving to Portland with Kristen.
Life is exciting. Truly exciting.
blogged by Chaz @ 2:00 AM
I must pat myself on the back.
*pats self on back*
Go me, go me, go go, go me!
:0P
blogged by Chaz @ 1:11 AM
5.23.2001
I realize my blog has been quite photo-less recently. Sorry, but here's another photo-less entry. I'll get back on track soon enough.In light of all that has been happening, I've decided to volunteer. Volunteer my computer to find a cure for cancer. I urge all of you to do the same.
Go here to United Devices and learn all about it. It's really amazing, and the more people volunteering their computers, the better, faster chance there is in finding a cure.
About.com has another new article about the Kaycee Nicole stuff, with an interview of yours truly.
Anyway...
blogged by Chaz @ 4:20 PM
5.22.2001
Yah, sure, great. People on Metafilter investigated the Kaycee hoax. They revealed the big truth. Get over yourselves and quit looking for some news articles to bring you fame for "coming together to uncover a mystery". It's so much more than your discovery. Only those who were close to this person for years can attest to that.Blah.
blogged by Chaz @ 6:32 PM
blogged by Chaz @ 1:50 AM
5.21.2001
It was no small effort for me to tell my boss, that I shall be giving my two weeks notice at the end of this month. June 14th being my last day of work as a CollegeClub employee.It's very nerve-racking to leave a good, solid job. There have been many people, all the talk of CollegeClub demise back last summer, who have said I would have lost my job. What they didn't know is that I had one of the most stable jobs in the company, and would most likely not have been let go. I would have been there if the ship sank. But thankfully it did not, and I've had a great time working there.
Very hard to leave behind. It was so much easier when I worked at Schlotzsky's Deli. :0P
As far as why I'm leaving CC...it's *just* that time. More updates to come. ;0)
blogged by Chaz @ 10:17 PM
My head is a mix of emotions. I've been lost for the better part of today. Going to sleep last night, angry at people who dared cheapen the battle of a friend of mine by calling her a hoax; waking up and being angry at myself for being sucked into a gullible heart trap. It hurts. It's natural to be hard on yourself after such a shock like what has happened. The anger tends to focus on others, namely those who are to truely to blame.
But I won't. I will not focus any attention, be it love, sadness, or anger for a person such as Debbie. She has lied, straight out. I will not give her the attention she sought and received over these past two years or however long this fiasco has been going on. Whether the attention is positive or negative, she does not deserve any of it.
She has, so easily cheapened the lives of those she said she combined into one. If there ever truely were three women battling cancer, she has disgraced them all. A black cloud forever darkens their stories. It did not need to be that way. At all. Debbie is to blame.
I will not post further about this, as it only brings attention to someone who deserves none.
I am lost.
blogged by Chaz @ 5:02 AM
5.20.2001
blogged by Chaz @ 3:11 PM
5.19.2001
"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."
I watched Hamlet today. My most favorite Shakespeare play of all time. So beautiful.
I watched the version with Ethan Hawke as Hamlet. It was very interesting. Shakespeare's words are truely timeless.
Anyhoo...
blogged by Chaz @ 8:04 PM
5.16.2001
I did a little perspective shot the other day from my desk where I sit at work. I have the popular "Obey" sticker, and an advertisement I ripped out of a magazine for Lee Jeans, you know, with the doll "Buddy", who does all those dangerous missions and doesn't ever damage his jeans. Well it has his head at the bottom, and as most know, he has no ability to blink his eyes (being a doll with no eyelid parts)...so the ad is somewhat humorous. But I ripped it out of the magazine, because although humorous, it also reminds me that I should not back-down when I'm in a heap of troubles. I should face things with my head held high, and my might at it's strongest.
We all need to be Warriors. It's how life should be lived. A constant struggle for who you are, and what you believe in. Fight for it. Live it.
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
~Dylan Thomas~
blogged by Chaz @ 10:51 PM
She has this old webpage up on CollegeClub, with a bunch of animated .gif's and java applets like crazy, spread out on this page...completely no design skill what-so-ever, and I laughed whenever I saw it. It made me smile, it was beautifully rich with life, and happiness...that only Kaycee could design.
I found this treasure of a poem that she wrote awhile ago stashed away on that site. It's simply...well...I'll let you read it.
For Always
I am a new star shining bright
Above the still and silent night
And as you gaze within ~ you see
My sparkle and vitality ~
A million smiles for you I hold
Sometimes shy; but often bold.
I wink with a mischievous eye
And ponder all the reasons why~
Life is wonderful from my view
As I gaze upon, each one of you.
I'm truly blessed from God above
What can I give you ~ oh dear one~
The warmth and embrace of the sun...
The colours of a poetic rainbow...
The magic in the fallen snow.
How will you remember me?
I am the breeze; billowing the trees
I am the nectar on the vine
Waiting for it's place and time
I am with you for always
I fill the night ~ the golden days
I'm on a mission; perhaps a quest
To share my love and happiness.
If I succeed then I may rest...
In knowing I gave you my best.
This piece of Heaven I behold
Can not be bartered, borrowed or sold
I pass it freely on to you
Hold it dear, as I do too.
For always you have been my light
The one forever within my sight
I am a new bright shining star
And you will see me...wherever you are.
Kaycee Nicole '99'
... ... ...
blogged by Chaz @ 1:20 AM
5.15.2001
Kaycee's home. May she rest with the angels she was so often compared to.
I'll miss you, as will the rest of the world.
Goodbye. See you when we get there...
blogged by Chaz @ 12:44 PM
Flowers are puuuurty. *hyuck-hyuck* duh...uhh...yuh.
I sent my mom flowers on Sunday, for anyone who was wondering, and I called her, and she loved them. *claps* I pick gooooood flowers. Me good boy.
puuuurty.
blogged by Chaz @ 12:11 AM
5.11.2001
Well today we took off from work at 2.30pm and went Frisbee Golfing again! What fun! I didn't even keep score but I was kicking ass! The hole in the picture above (you can see where we're throwing to, it has an orange flag on top of the post), I almost got a hole-in-one on! It actually hit the post dead on and then fell out of it, and rolled...and rolled a little more..much further than was deserved for actually getting so close to it!
I want revenge! I will get you frisbee golf hole, I will get youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! *shakes fist*
blogged by Chaz @ 11:56 PM
5.09.2001
My cousin Megan has a special connection to me. When she was just a baby, she was very tempermental, and when she cried a lot, whether it was in someone elses arms, or just sitting on the floor...if I picked her up and talked to her she would stop. Stop and smile. A toothless smile at the time, and I have one of the cutest pictures of her when she was just a baby, smiling with her gums. She's such a beautiful little girl, but still very tempermental, and gets in fights with her sister and mom and dad a lot. Haha.
Well this picture was taken during this past Christmas, when the whole family met up in San Francisco to spend the holiday together. We went to my Grandma Shorty's (not my real Grandma, yet I still call her Grandma...oh well), and opened presents there on Christmas Eve, it was a lot of family fun. Megan I believe is trying to hide from the camera in this picture.
How cute.
blogged by Chaz @ 10:36 PM
5.08.2001
Well, no photo entry for today, only because I don't wanna. Yup, no other reason but that. None at all. Just don't wanna do it. Plain and simple.Okay, okay. It's because I'm at work and I have a limited amount of photos here, and none of them I really want to post. So if I waited until I got home, I might not be able to get on Blogger with the Maintenance scheduled for tonight, and since I'll be watching Dark Angel, I may be forgetful or something, and not post at all for today. Oh well, so no picture. I'll be sure to get something nice for tomorrow.
The days in San Diego are wonderful this week, sunshine, warmth, clean smelling air from the ocean. All is good here.
Speaking of clean smelling air, funny things I find when randomly clicking on the Recently Updated Blogs on Blogger, someone is keeping a Trashlog. Pleeeeease tell me it's for a science project, and not really their idea of a good time. I did see that they threw away three quarts of Oil on the 5th of this month. Baaaaad...baaaaaaaaaad person. Seeing some of that trash takes me back to when I was a college student, for Ramen Noodles wrappers frequented my trashcan as well.
blogged by Chaz @ 5:52 PM
5.07.2001
Well this month marks my one year anniversary of wearing glasses. Should I throw a party for myself? :0) It's funny that I just decided to, after never having my eyes checked by an eye doctor, go to get them checked last year. The first time I put my glasses on (I'm near-sighted), I couldn't believe how much clearer, and sharper things were when I looked at them. I was living under a veil of blurriness my whole life! I seriously thought things far away were supposed to be that blurry!
Oh well, at least now I can see the clear, crispness that is the world now. And I dare not drive without my glasses, because I can't read street signs until it's too late without them.
Plus I look good in my cool frames. At least that's what the "big momma" said in the store. That's what made me buy 'em! A big black lady snappin' her fingers and doin' that thing with her head..noddin' around...tellin' me how good I look. I think she does that to every guy, but oh well, it worked!!
blogged by Chaz @ 6:01 PM
5.05.2001
Well it's Cinco de Mayo! *breaks out the mariachi band* So even though I don't have any pics of past Cinco de Mayo's I've celebrated, I do have this picture of me drinking beer with friends...in May too. This was taken 2 years ago near the end of May, it's the staff from the YMCA Summer Camp I worked at on the East Coast. We had just completed the first week of administrator training, and we had the weekend off, so we all drove up to this mountain top and got wasted!
Tonight I'll be getting wasted with my Corona's and limes, and cooking up some quesidillas! Yum!
I went to get my hair *done* today. Yes, it's something that needs to be *done*, not just cut. I got blonde highlights put in, and I must say I doooooo like them. Other then that, I got a trim as well.
:0) Happy Cinco de Mayo to all!
blogged by Chaz @ 7:19 PM
5.04.2001
I went to The American Academy of Dramatic Arts - West when it was located in Pasadena, California, and I met some wonderful people there that I will always have in my life. Danielle is one of them. She was in my first section during first semester, meaning we went to all the same classes for so-and-so amount of months. Well, I was coming home to my new apartment complex that I moved into with some strange girls, and I noticed that Danielle lived in the same place, across the courtyard. It was good to find such a good friend after moving to a new and exciting place. She would come talk to me at the pool during my daily swims, and sometimes thought I was swimming naked, because my trunks were a light tan color, and so it gave the illusion I was nude in the water.
Anyhow, her and I hung out a lot, and then she got with her boyfriend Tryg whom she is still with, and is also one of my very good friends. I am in need of a visit to Hollywood to visit them and all my other school chums. Maybe sometime soon I will go up for a weekend.
By the way, how could I *not* put up this wonderful picture of Danielle? Hot damn!
blogged by Chaz @ 1:59 PM
5.03.2001
I need to make a formal apology to my friend Kristie, for blowing up at her the other day when she surprised me with some news that is pretty life-changing and important. I accused her of not thinking about my feelings, and making me feel unimportant as a friend. I understand now she has her reasons why she hadn't told me yet, and that I probably shouldn't guilt trip her over it. Stupid, stupid me.
I am truely happy for you, Kristie. Congratulations!
Love ya!
blogged by Chaz @ 2:39 PM
5.02.2001
Last summer I met this girl on CollegeClub and boy were we taken on a rollercoaster ride of emotions! But it was all worth it, all the stuff we did, the experience of life we shared, was worth it. She came out and visited me in San Diego, and it was probably the best weekend I've had here since I moved. Audra had her birthday the other day, and I didn't have much to give her, 'cept a quickly, poorly made graphic of the beach and a shovel and bucket in the sand (don't forget the crappy seagulls). So Happy Birthday, Audra! I'm glad you came into my life, and I'm glad you're still around.
Life is too precious to leave people behind.
blogged by Chaz @ 3:29 PM
5.01.2001
So I was a porky little baby, well fed it seems. Gotta love baby fat, right? Well the story behind this picture, is that my brother was supposed to be holding me up, but I started laughing so hard at what the photographer was doing, that I would lean back, and my brother couldn't hold me up, he wasn't strong enough for my massive size, so my mom's hand would be secretly hidden behind the ruffled up rug that we sit on, pressing up against my back so I wouldn't fall over. I really liked to laugh, she says. I only wish I could remember what that photographer did...*thinks*
Well, for everyone who knows I went to the doctor a couple times the past few weeks, the report is that I am okay. Healthy healthy healthy. Well, except my triglycerides are high, but he said not significantly so. I should lay off a little on the amount of spaghetti I eat, I guess. :0)
Anyway, yay healthy Chaz!
blogged by Chaz @ 4:26 PM