7.31.2001Well I moved my bed and things inside today. I should have done a better job packing certain items for long term storage in a hot car, but for some reason I thought I'd get it out of there sooner. It's not good when a can of Raid Ant and Roach Killer explodes in the same bag/box with your surround sound speakers...but alas, I cleaned them off and they work fine. I don't expect any ants or roaches near my computer anytime soon.I just need to go over to Chris' in Reseda tomorrow to pick up my T.V. and computer monitor I have stored there, then I'll finally be set up on my very own computer!! WOO HOO! I'll be able to redesign this site a little, and also clean up the resume I have stored on it, and send it to a few places lookin' for a good paying job. :0) I need money a little sooner than that though. Gotta pay rent...in reality...tomorrow. But because there is a 3 day grace period...I think we're going to wait to see how I can come up with some money. Rent is $337. *walks out to the street corner in fishnets and high-heels* Okay...maybe not. I'm not a street whore. I'm too good for that. Instead I'll work the clubs. Haha. blogged by Chaz @ 10:36 PM |
But let sensation flow into the world As a river courses down to the sea. So the birthday was peaceful. Well, except for the fact that my birth certificate was nowhere to be found by the post office, so I couldn't go take my written test at the DMV. So now my license is expired. Let's just hope I don't get pulled over anytime in the near future. My mom is sending another copy of my birth certificate, so I'll reschedule the appointment when I actually have the thing in my hands. Anyway, Kain and I went to Deja Vu Showgirls in Beverly Hills. Had a good time. :0P My birthday present consisted of me up on stage in a chair next to the pole, while 3 girls danced around me and took turns dancing on my lap. Typical male birthday. In fact there was another guy there for his birthday too. The best part was that Mondays are a slow night, so we were basically the only people there, so we were treated well. Lots of free drinks, etc, etc... Anyway...so I'm 24 years old. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 2:01 PM |
7.29.2001I'm not sure I'll be around enough to blog tomorrow...soooooooo....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!! *screams so loud it echoes into tomorrow* :0) blogged by Chaz @ 8:53 PM |
And you maintain your influence; Speak your mind and take positions And nothing will save you. Well we had a fun time at the going away party for our friend Josh. Then we headed over to "Birds" with some of the girls we went to school with who were at the party. It was pretty packed. It's a nice little joint. So we drank some, then went home and fell asleep. And then...we woke up fairly late. Noon. We woke up at noon, when we had the BBQ at 1pm. D'oh. So we got ready, went to the store, bought BBQ stuff, and headed off. Yay people actually showed up. :0P So we chilled, tossed the football around, bbq'd some beef and turkey burgers, and relaxed in the sun and shade. It was nice, quite a special way to spend a day. I even got birthday cards. Okay, well one birthday card. Yay for Sheena for being so cool and getting me a card! You're beautiful darling! *muah* So tonight I think we're just gonna chill, go to sleep early. I have to wake up early and get to the post office over by Danielle's place to see if my birth certificate ever came, because they never received it. I need it by 2.30pm tomorrow, because that's when I take my DMV test so I can get a damn license! My Idaho license expires tomorrow, so I'm cuttin' it close. :0P Then later tomorrow night I think we're goin' to hit some bars and a strip joint for the oh-so-wonderful birthday lapdance! I'm never home anymore! Do you know what this means?!?! I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE AGAIN!!!! *dun dun dun* blogged by Chaz @ 8:04 PM |
7.28.2001I got this link from Kristen's blog, just readin' some of her Blog-a-thon entries, but at humanforsale.com I am worth $2,809,232.00.Hmm...someone want to buy half a Chaz? Parts of me are missing anyway... :0P blogged by Chaz @ 4:04 PM |
Only safe in his own bed may he lose them in sleep. Saw "Planet of the Apes" last night. It was fun, exciting, totally re-imagined. A couple corny moments, but for the most part it was cool. Woke up this morning to go to the Job Fair for the new mall. Applied for a lot of jobs. Guess we'll see who calls. I'm going to put the rest of my stuff in storage and move in here in Pasadena. Sure I'll be sleeping on the floor for awhile, but eventually Estevan will move out and I'll snag the bedroom and move the rest of my stuff in. Plus we'll be splitting rent between the 4 of us, so that's good since I have no money. :0P Going away party is tonight for our school pal, Josh. It'll be over at Danielle's, so after Kain and I make an appearance there, we'll stop by "Birds" down the street. I'd like to wish all the Blog-a-thon people luck, whether I know you or not. Sorry I couldn't sponsor anyone...lack of funds. :0P Soooo...luck! blogged by Chaz @ 3:26 PM |
7.27.2001Where I have nothing, And my heart is foolish, Muddled and cloudy. I won a free Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's last night (well, this morning at 3am). Dropped 3 quarters into one of those things filled with water, and the 3rd quarter landed right where it needed to. Go me! :0P We went to a bar called Birds in Los Feliz, to meet up with some of Kain's friends. Hmm...it was a good night. I left there smiling. :0) When Kain gets back we're off to see "Planet of the Apes", I think we're gonna see if we can see it at the Mann's Chinese Theater...something tells me it could be sold out there. But we'll see. Birthday is 3 days away. *whew* blogged by Chaz @ 4:36 PM |
7.26.2001Hmm..no birth certificate yet. That's okay, because I couldn't find an open appointment at the DMV until Monday. So it should definitely be here by then.We were going to have a going away party for a friend of ours from school tonight, but it got rescheduled until Saturday night. Then my birthday bbq is Sunday afternoon in Griffith Park (near the Observatory), because I'm a big James Dean fan, and well, we all know he filmed "Rebel Without a Cause" there. 'Nuff said. There is a slight chance I will be moving into this apartment I'm staying at right now, in Pasadena. Estevan may move out into Tryg's apartment when Tryg moves out with Danielle into their own apartment. That might not be for another month though. But, I figure that if it really is going to happen, then at least I can move in here now, even though I'm sleeping on the floor, and get on with my life instead of this month long limbo I've been in. I've picked a photographer for my headshots. He specializes in "young hollywood" and has done the headshots for a lot of "up and comer's". Jason Biggs, Charlize Theron, and well...a lot of other young hollywooder's. (And most of the cast of "American Pie") "Planet of the Apes" comes out tomorrow. Goin' to see it. A few of us were invited to a special screening of it tonight, but you have to wear either fur or bondage. :0P I woulda gone, but I have all my bondage gear packed away. ;0) blogged by Chaz @ 7:25 PM |
Well I got my check from Danielle. I drove over there that night, because I didn't want to wait until the next day like she suggested. I wanted it in my hands, so in the morning I could deposit it. And that's what I did. Then I finally bought food, and safe to say I'm eating healthy again. Kain and I went to Samuel French to search for scenes to do at an Actor's Showcase for TVI, a gathering of casting directors and agents will be there to see the talent. I picked up the Working Actor's Guide to Los Angeles 2001 as well, which is a huge workbook with a lot of useful information on agents, schools, showcases, etc, etc... My birthday is on Monday, and my driver's license expires the very same day. So, tomorrow I'll be going into the DMV and taking my California State Driving test (test only..I don't need to drive), and getting my temporary license and wait for them to mail my permanent California State Driver's License. I hope my birth certificate my mom sent arrived at Danielle's today...because I need that for tomorrow...to prove that I was born. Or something. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 3:12 PM |
7.24.2001as worthless in another's eyes. There's a job fair at the mall that's been under construction for the past year this saturday. So me, Kain, Estevan, and Tyreco are going to apply for jobs there. See what's available. Maybe I'll sell clothes...or work in a computer store. Who knows. It's a job, it'll make me money so I can survive. My deposit check from my old apartment came the other day to Danielle's, but she seems to be pissing me off with not being around so I can actually pick the check up at a reasonable time. She told me yesterday Tryg would bring it to me today cuz he works here in Pasadena...so that's what I waited for all day until about 4pm. Danielle tells me just THEN that Tryg wasn't working today. WTF?!! Thanks for telling me so fucking LATE IN THE DAY! GRRR! She was like..well I'll be here for the next hour if ya wanna come get it. ARgh! Right so I can spend 2 hours in traffic?!?! Then she's like...oh you can get it tomorrow, come to my work. Danielle?! I want it today!! TODAY! I HAVE NO MONEY!!! I'm friggin' stressed out of my mind. *sigh* blogged by Chaz @ 5:37 PM |
7.23.2001Is the mother of all things. Knowing the mother, one also knows the sons. Knowing the sons, yet remaining in touch with the mother, Brings freedom from the fear of death. Happy Birthday to my Mother, who has always been there for me. Always shielded me from danger, pushed me towards my goals, guided me to safety, and loved me through the hate in this world. The world *is* a better place because you are in it, Mom. Never forget that. Love you. :0) blogged by Chaz @ 12:49 PM |
7.22.2001must first be strong. I'm in Pasadena as planned. Really nothin' too important or exciting to blog about. Just...here I am. blogged by Chaz @ 6:47 PM |
7.21.2001Well today I'm heading back over to Pasadena. Chris' roommate and friends are going to be here at 6am tomorrow morning, so it's best I not be here, cuz I'm sure they're gonna wanna sleep. I'll stop off at Danielle's place, pick up some mail that's been collecting there, and then head on over to Kain's. Back, and forth. Back, and forth. I've been here for 1 month. Yikes. blogged by Chaz @ 2:03 PM |
7.20.2001Chris is having some friends over for a little party...so he called me from work to make sure the place looked somewhat decent. You know, vaccuum, do the dishes, take out the trash, put the porn away. :0PSo I've cleaned some. I know he told me not to go too out of my way, but I did anyway. When I clean...I like to *really* clean. Not just push dirt around. :0) Hmm...in other news, my mother's birthday is Monday (one week before mine). I only wish I had all the money in the world to buy her the greatest gift in the world. And as for my birthday, I don't really want anything. Well that's a lie. Maybe some friends, some beers, and some good times. That sounds like a good birthday. Do you think you can order that on Amazon.com? blogged by Chaz @ 10:14 PM |
I watched "Best in Show" on DVD tonight with Chris. It's pretty funny. *sidenote* Hey mom, rent this movie if you haven't already, you'll love it! *end sidenote* I got to talk to Nikki today, that was good. I miss her lots, and wish she were around more, but I understand we all go our different ways. We'll stay in touch, but we just won't have the opportunity to talk back and forth like we used to, every single day. I think we take too many of the people we've come across in our life for granted. Sorry to all my friends I've done that to. Can't repair the past, but I can certainly learn from it. I miss the friends I've left behind. I hope you're all doing well. Ugh...this is gettin' all sad. I gotta stop that! Hmm..how shall I do that? Oh I know! Mmm...DIRTY POP! :0P (yes, yes, it's getting old already) blogged by Chaz @ 1:12 AM |
7.19.2001beyond his natural reach, does not stand firmly upon the ground. Well J.P. III was okay. Not great, not bad. Just okay. Some annoying little kid, like..12 years old, was tryin' to be all cool during the previews, and yelling stuff out. He at one point, stood up and turned around to everyone and was like "Who's with me! Come on let's go!" (I can't remember what for) and I just yelled at him "Mmm...DIRTY POP!" and some people started laughing, and he turned around, defeated, and sat down. :0P Chris and his friend Sam took me out for drinks at TGIF's, had a couple beers, some scotch on the rocks, and a white russian. Nothin' too exciting. But what really is *too* exciting? It's either, exciting, or not exciting. Not *too* exciting. Okay...wait..I'm rambling. I must stop now. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 2:17 AM |
7.18.2001Chris and I are obsessed with saying "..mm..dirty pop!" just like Justin from N'Sync says it in the song. :0PChaz: Hey Chris, what do you think of that new movie "Made"? Chris: Mmm...Dirty pop! Chaz: Yah that's what I thought too. Hehe...oh oh, and we went to Carl's Jr. yesterday. Guy on inaudable speaker: Would you like anything to drink with that? Chaz: Yes, can I get a large..mmm...dirty pop! Guy: A what? Chaz: Oh, um...a large Dr. Pepper, I mean. Chris and I will make an effort to use the phrase "mmm..dirty pop!" in our everyday language. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 3:14 PM |
| Chris has been on the trail of some Adidas shoes that he really wants, and has been coming up empty handed.
We went to two malls yesterday, me just along for the ride, and visited every shoe store in each mall. Now I think he wants to go to another mall or two today. I won't be along for the ride this time, instead I think Danielle is coming over in a bit, to go swimming in the pool, and I think she's taking me to a movie. Jurrasic Park III, is what she wants to see. It's supposed to be "scarier" then the past two. More edge of your seat, no annoying little kids. Just people getting eaten. That's what I love to see! :0P blogged by Chaz @ 2:56 PM |
Self or wealth: Which is more precious? Gain or loss: Which is more painful? David Gray - Flame Turns Blue I went looking for someone I left behind Yeah but no-one just a stranger did I find I never noticed hadn't seen it as it grew The void between us where the flame turns blue Different places yeah but they all look the same Dreams of faces in the streets devoured by names I'm in collision with every stone I ever threw And blind ambition where the flame turns blue Worlds dismantled hey and all the books unbound Conversations though we utter not a sound I heard a rumour I don't know if its true That you'd meet me where the flame turns blue So I venture underneath the leaden sky See the freight train with its one fierce eye And then I listen as it tears the night into With a whistle and the flame turns blue In the morning I will sing In the morning I will sing Through the lemon trees the diamonds of light Break in splinters on the pages where I write That if I lost you I don't know what I'd do Burn forever where the flame turns blue Yeah if I lost you I don't know what I'd do Burn forever where the flame turns blue In the morning I will sing In the morning I will sing blogged by Chaz @ 2:39 AM |
7.17.2001I drank frozen Dr. Pepper today! Well...tried to drink it.Stupid fridge was too cold! But I love D.P. so much, I drank it after it melted a little. Mmm...icy Dr. Pepper chunks. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 11:46 PM |
The Ronald McDonald House of Los Angeles, is a safe and supportive haven for families of children undergoing treatment for cancer and other serious illnesses at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles and other area hospitals. Since opening it's doors in 1980, the house has sheltered over 6,000 families. The house can accommodate up to 32 families. Over 800 families stay at the house annually for approximately 11,000 family night stays. The House maintains a continual wish list of needed items, much like the needs of your own house. I have set up an Amazon Wish List of a collection of cd's, books, toys, etc...for kids and teenagers of The Ronald McDonald House. If you feel like doing something good today, take a look at the list, a lot of the items are under $10 dollars. That's a small price to pay to make a child smile during a difficult time in their life. The items you purchase go directly to the House, as I have no need for children's toys or books. :0P If you would rather make a money donation to the house, please visit their website and look into the many options they have for you to help out. blogged by Chaz @ 2:38 PM |
7.16.2001This apartment is sweltering in the summertime heat, we're conserving energy by not using the a/c, and there are like 10 other people here right now discussing an actor's showcase they want to put on with their makeshift theatre company.As I've mentioned before, it's good to be around this environment again. It needs to be colder though. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 2:57 PM |
| This song calms my soul and warms my spirit everytime I hear it. :0)
David Gray - Please Forgive Me Please forgive me If I act a little strange For I know not what I do. Feels like lightning running through my veins Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you Help me out here All my words are falling short And there's so much I want to say Want to tell you just how good it feels When you look at me that way When you look at me that way Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow Moving out across the bay Like a stone I fall into your eyes Deep into that mystery Deep into some mystery I got half a mind to scream out loud I got half a mind to die So I won't ever have to lose you girl Won't ever have to say goodbye I won't ever have to lie Won't ever have to say goodbye Please forgive me If I act a little strange For I know not what I do It feels like lightning running through my veins Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you Everytime I look at you That is all. Thank you. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 3:05 AM |
It cannot be ruled by interfering. Well looky there! My cam is up again! Yay look at the extremely dirty room that Chris' roommate left me! Yuck! Big thanks to Ang for hookin' me up with the cam software! A thousand *muahs* to ya! ;0) blogged by Chaz @ 1:37 AM |
7.15.2001to me, the only thing left after awhile was that night we watched documentaries up through morn', and then you kicked me out.You opened up your screen door and threw me off, of the porch. it was summer then and I drove home whistlin' down the pike. yah. and that was that: our one sweet night together. and under highway signs i watched our love start fluttering and dissipating. i counted all the headlights to make sure i was alright. now i'm wonderin' is it me or is it me, that can't see silver linings? so i fucked it up, i watched you go, i saw my hand not dialin' the phone. all i'm left to do is remember the dull room. we sat in blue stream light watchin' the strike of '59. i dreamed of wrecking my underwear oh can't i touch your cheeks somewhere under dirt filled rainy nights with my socks stuck in the mud? oh please come dive in puddles with me. our one sweet night together. our one sweet night together. our one sweet night together... and under highway signs i watched our love start flutterin' and dissipating. i counted all the headlights to make sure i was alright. blogged by Chaz @ 9:18 PM |
| I have nothing to say, but I just wanted to blog again. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 7:00 PM |
The high is lowered, and the low is raised. If the string is too long, it is shortened; If there is not enough, it is made longer. I'm back in Reseda now. Fun, fun. I may be hooking up my cam soon, it's sitting in a box that I brought up here...I just need to find someone I sent ISpy to, so they can send a copy back over to me here. So, if you're reading this, and I gave you ISpy for your webcam, then let me know! This way my mother can see how much weight I've lost getting by on a "somedays I'll eat, somedays I won't" diet. Not so healthy, but what am I gonna do? I just gotta keep a level head, and be calm, and trust in someone's word. And everything will be alright. Not perfect, but alright. blogged by Chaz @ 6:18 PM |
7.14.2001Well we haven't started watchin' the movie yet, Kain wanted me to download LimeWire, and then download Afroman - I got high, because he heard it on the radio last night, and thought it was great. :0P Plus Kain is cleanin' his apartment like crazy, so I'm just sittin' around waitin'.I'm going to set up an Amazon Wishlist, because I see so many other people out there who have them. "Buy me stuff! Buy me stuff! I'll love you forever!" Well, I'm going to research it a little, but I'm gonna set it up so that it ships the wishlist items to, the local children's cancer ward, or somethin' of that sort. Fill the wishlist with kids books, toys, games, etc... I'd smile everytime I'd see someone had bought somethin' off it, because I know it's makin' a kid out there smile. Spread the positive vibes. Thanks Michie. ;0) blogged by Chaz @ 9:46 PM |
| Oh..and one more thing.
Special K is my new most favorite cereal of all time! YUM! :0) blogged by Chaz @ 9:06 PM |
Regrets are not useful. Well last night me and Kain went to Hooters for a couple pitchers of beer and some..uh...hooters. :0P Our waitress, Tanesha, was very nice, even with all the attempts to mack on her that Kain was doing. Tanesha even pointed out another waitress, Lori, who told Tanesha I was attractive or something. So Tanesha sent Lori over to our table to talk to me, yadda, yadda, yadda...and I somehow left with her phone number. Now that was at NO effort on my part. Amazing! :0P I had no intentions of hitting on any of the waitresses, but instead, they hit on me! Haha. Okay, anyway, after Hooters, we headed over to the 35er for some pool. So we played, I beat the guy who was beating everyone else for a long time, then the bar closed and kicked people out. On my way out, I asked one of the bouncers if there was a size requirement to be a bouncer there (because these guys were huge), and he told me to talk to the guy out front, so I did, but he said they had a full staff, but to come back in September if I was interested, cuz one or two of them will be leaving then. I don't really think I could be a bouncer. Not because I can't kick people's asses, but because I don't want to. :0P I'd introduce the non-violent way of bouncing people out during some bar fight. Kain was hooking up with some ugly chick (I think he his beer goggles on), and I called his cell while I was waiting for him and left him a nice message for when he got home. I'm such a good friend. And no, I will not relay what I said on the message! My parents read this, I gotta keep it somewhat clean! :0P blogged by Chaz @ 1:10 PM |
7.13.2001I am going out to the bars with Kain tonight. Only because he owes me some drinks. I don't need to waste what little money I have on alcohol. :0PBut strippers..now that's another story! HAHA! Just kidding! I'm out for now...peace. blogged by Chaz @ 6:09 PM |
Well we watched the Ethan Hawke version of "Hamlet" that I own on DVD last night. Always an entertaining piece of work. My favorite of all Shakespeare, I don't ever get tired of it, even though I know how it will always end. Then after Kain went to bed, I studied some of the I Ching (The Book of Changes), and consulted it for some guidance. I'm amazed at how accurate the answers are to the great questions I asked. It's not fortune telling, it's just...an oracle. Ask it questions, meditate, then using the book and cards, it provides answers that are surprisingly very accurate. Anyhoo, then Estevan and Tyreco and I had a discussion about the new Real World on MTV, and that lasted until 2.30am or so. After awhile I was just quiet so that they would go to bed, since they were in the living room where I sleep. Ty was trying to convince us that Coral was not a bitch, and Mike was dumb. I was only saying Coral was a bitch, and yes, Mike IS dumb. But he just wouldn't settle with Coral being a bitch...he said she's just strong and opinionated. I agree, but she's strong and opinionated in a bitchy way. :0P Alright..I'm out for now! blogged by Chaz @ 11:50 AM |
7.12.2001You cannot rebuild until you have torn down all the old ways. Well I've expanded a bit on my quotes. No longer just taking translations from the Tao Te Ching, but also the I Ching, which is where the above quote comes from. Anyway, nothin' much happened today. Went to the Souplantation with Kain for dinner. All you can eat health food. Yummy. We brought in my box of DVD's and things, because Kain really wants to watch my cool collection of movies. Like..."Poison Ivy 2: The New Seduction" or whatever it's called. It has Jamie Pressely in it, which is the *only* reason I bought it off the $10 dollar rack last year. :0P So hot! I've been working on my subliminal humor lately, and caught Kain off guard while we were at Souplantation. Subliminal humor is when I say something that really in essence isn't funny, but the timing and the way I say it and the setting...all the other factors play into it all, and I cracked him up for a bit. Almost made him choke on his food. :0P Well, nothin' else is goin' on, it's 9pm, and I think we're gonna watch one of my DVD's...ciao! blogged by Chaz @ 9:06 PM |
7.11.2001...but when *will* I be ready for that jelly? And will your body *always* be bootie-licious? :0PYes, yes...I'm bored. But..but...I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! *sobs* (you know, that old anti-drug campaign with the father and the son..) Ohhhhh quiet day. blogged by Chaz @ 8:13 PM |
| Change of plans. I will *not* be going back to Reseda, Chris still has guests over, and I won't go back there until Monday now.
Seriously, without such great friends who love my company, I don't know how I'd make it through this. Thanks to Kain, Estevan, and Tyreco for letting me crash here in Pasadena while my non-home home is being used. And thanks to my parents for helping me the best they can right now. They put $100 bucks into my account today, which had dwindled down to $5 bucks over these past two and a half weeks. (YIKES!) Look at it this way...I could have bought 20 bags of Top Ramen with $5 bucks. :0P I'm not sure that counts as real food, though, but I do have fond memories of that stuff. ;0) blogged by Chaz @ 4:36 PM |
So there is weakness in power, And power in weakness; Rather than tinkle like jade, One should clatter like stones. I just realized the other day, that it's July...and umm...I'll be having a birthday this month. 19 days away. I'll be 24 years old. (July 30th) I only wish the friends I care about most were here on that day to share it with me. Oh...and it'd be nice if I wasn't homeless by that time too. :0P In any case, whatever happens, happens...and I'm sure I'll be fine with it. It's another sunny day here in Pasadena, but I think I'll be headed back to Reseda today, back to my non-home home (like a non-job job), where I'll most likely unload all the boxes from my car and stack them up in the room there so that they don't get stolen like my poor bike. :0( I don't think thieves will steal a giant futon mattress or a crappy little dresser with socks and underwear in it. :0P Then again, maybe they're out of clean linens. blogged by Chaz @ 12:17 PM |
7.10.2001If you are ever layin' around your friends house, with nothing to do, and they have digital cable, and lots of movie channels....NEVER, EVER, WATCH "BATTLEFIELD EARTH"!! I got sucked into it's shittiness. Should I be ashamed that I'm a family friend of the Travolta's? Part of me says yes. :0P blogged by Chaz @ 9:03 PM |
| How this all happened, I don't know.
The words I said, that have you in offense, meant nothing to me, because I simply don't remember. How can you hold it like a knife to my throat? No one can measure my pain. It holds no weight compared to yours, or his, or anyone else. Because fire is an empty feeling. And it burns, and it burns, and it burns. And all we had is left in the ashes. But nobody will pick up the pieces. blogged by Chaz @ 1:09 PM |
But keep a woman's care! Be the stream of the universe! Ever true and unswerving, Become as a little child once more. I had this friend, back awhile ago, who would make me laugh, make me smile, make me cry with happiness. They would make a common effort with me, to create a relationship that was almost perfect. We talked for hours on the phone, wrote massive letters (well they did because I am lame at writing actual letters), many emails (again I suck), and talked for days and weeks and months whenever we were both online. (which was often) We had ideas, we created things, we worked off each other's talent to build, and build, and build. Websites, businesses, lives...we had thought up so many cool things when we worked together. It was quite the symbiotic relationship. Maybe we were in love, or maybe we were in love with the ideas. Maybe we had a friendship, or maybe we were just business partners. Who's to know? Later on, our relationship was put to the test due to some...decisions...and we took a turn for the worse. Words were thrown around, hurtful, regretful, deceiving words. We took our time to cool down, we made certain apologies, we attempted to solve...something. Out of all the times we had agreed on something, this was the one true, meaningful time, we disagreed. And it hurt. It hurt us both. I sometimes lie, awake in bed, and wonder if they are thinking of me. Wondering if they are thinking they should have done something differently. Just like I wonder the same thing, everytime I close my eyes. I wish things could be different. I still believe...they can be. Miss you. blogged by Chaz @ 12:09 AM |
7.09.2001Ignoring knowledge is sickness. Yesterday Kain and I went to the park to meet up with Tryg and Brad for some basketball. Of course there were other people there who were much better players than we were, but we held our own. I could have done without the running into the pole that holds the backboard up, but that's okay, I'm tough. No bruises. I had too much momentum on a run down the court and then after the lay-up...I kept going. I made the shot though. *raises the roof* It's been years since I last played bball, and I was quite proud of how I held up. I made a few key shots, but most of all, I was a defender like no other. I guess it helps when you're a 6-footer and you got some hops to ya due to all the elite level volleyball I played when I was younger. The fact I was an outside swing-hitter also helped with smackin' the basketball down a lot. STUFFED! *cough* Well, I've been homeless for two weeks now. Mr. Hawking! Calling Mr. Hawking!! Are you out there?!?! :0( blogged by Chaz @ 12:55 PM |
7.08.2001To see the simplicity, To realize one's true nature, To cast off selfishness And temper desire. I'm still here in Pasadena at Kain's pad. Not much has went on since the last time I wrote. Kain and I drove over to Hollywood to meet up with Tryg and Danielle and our friend from 1st year at the Academy, Drea, who is now living in New York, attending school there. It was good to see her, and she brought along her sister, Sarah, as well. Beauty runs in the family with those two it seems, because...WOW...they're gorgeous. Anyhoo, Kain and I headed over to the famous Saddleranch bar and had some drinks there, where we ran into Chris, whom I was staying with before, and will be staying with again once all of his guests leave. So we partied, had a good time, watched people get bucked off the mechanical bull, and hit on a bunch of girls. The best part was all the free drinks we received due to our flirtatious behavior with the hot bartender girl. I think I bought a total of two drinks that whole night. Gotta love guy's night out. blogged by Chaz @ 1:51 PM |
7.06.2001In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. Well I'm on Kain's laptop in Pasadena. It's very hot and humid here today. Bleh. I had a fairly sleepless night last night. My van is parked out in a parking lot, and it has a lot of stuff in it. Sure, it no longer has a bike strapped to it, and sure, I have moved my computer/dvd/expensive stuff I could get to out of it. But there's still a lot of stuff in there that is mine, that could be taken out. So after watching "Three Kings" late last night by myself, I tried to go to sleep. My senses became so tuned into thinking something was gonna happen with my car. Every little noise outside bothered me, and I kept walking out on the balcony to look down on my car. I don't know what I'd do if someone was busting a window out, but I had imagined taking the hockey stick off the balcony and running down there and beating someone senseless. I'm just worried about things now. It's not a good feeling. I'd like to move somewhere already, but I can't. I'm waiting and I'm afraid, and I can't do anything about it.... ...but wait. blogged by Chaz @ 5:27 PM |
7.05.2001Well...uh...welcome to LA.My car was jacked. :0( Not completely jacked, but I had my bike on there, and it was jacked off the back. In broad daylight. With security guards in the parking lot. Armed robbery. The security guard went to stop the guys stealin' my shit, and they pointed a gun in his face and a hunting knife and told him not to move another step, or they'd shoot him in the head. Then they took my bike and tossed it in a van and left. They were most likely going to hit everything else inside my van. My whole life is in there. And they were about to take it from me, and the security guard stopped them *enough* to just leave it be. In broad daylight. Chris and I were gone for an hour and a half, and someone jacked me. :0( I need to move into a place already. I'm scared to leave my whole life in my car. :0( blogged by Chaz @ 5:27 PM |
Love the world as your own self; then you can truly care for all things. People go through a lot of change in their lifetimes, but one thing I can hold true is that I never, NEVER, stop loving. It's just not in me. Many thanks to my friend Chris, for giving me a place to stay while my life is in suspension. I wouldn't be able to survive all this without my friends here. Chris and I are goin' out for some food and drinks, as a "mini send-off" party for me, even though I'll be back at his place on Sunday. :0P Yes, we're retarded. After that, I'm off to Pasadena! Take care friends! blogged by Chaz @ 2:35 PM |
7.04.2001Okay..so scratch any plan I had of going out for the 4th.Call me crazy, but I just don't wanna get on the JAM PACKED freeway and sit in traffic just to make it over to Pasadena (which is 40 minutes away with no traffic) just so I can sit around there and drink beer with friends. I'm driving over to Pasadena tomorrow anyway, and it's just a waste of gas to go there, come back, and go there again tomorrow morning. I'm quite capable of being inebriated by myself... I'll be most likely missing for the next few days, staying in Pasadena until next week, while Chris' roommate returns for a few days. I'll jump on Kain's laptop to check mail, but that's about it. Miss ya'll. blogged by Chaz @ 9:11 PM |
It is the meeting ground of the universe, The mother of the universe. Happy 4th of July, everyone! I don't have much planned for the day. I was gonna hang out with Chris, the guy I'm stayin' with, but he had an opportunity to go out with this really hot girl, so I of course told him to forget about me and go hook up! :0P Kain and I will be goin' out drinkin' most likely. Nothin' like celebrating the nation's independence by downing a few too many brews! I just realized I'm wearing my "Independent" shirt. How appropriate. Anyhoo, you may have noticed I took the comments off my blog. Seems that they aren't really used that much anymore, and the people that do use them really don't have anything worthy to say. (Yes I'm referring to my obsessive little piece of shit faker who makes some of the dumbest comments I have ever read...) Anyhoo, looky there, poor little guy, you no longer have a public forum in which to ridicule. How sad. Oh and I'm fairly sure I know who you are too, my site has this cool way of tracking visitors, and since I used to work for CollegeClub, I have had access to some stuff there too. Although I did love how you pretended to be me, fosh, and whoever else...I know who you really are. If you feel the need to harrass me more, go ahead and email me and I'll be sure to delete it. If anyone has *real* comments on any of my blog entries, you can email me directly and let me know. :0) I think it's much more constructive that way. *lights a firecracker* Boom. blogged by Chaz @ 5:52 PM |
7.03.2001And the earth is very old. Why so? Because the world Exists not for itself; It can and will live on. Well another exciting day of doing nothing. I've made some new friends, and talked to some old ones. Friends are awesome. I have so many good ones...even if I don't talk to some of them like I used to, they still, at one point, affected my life. Made me happy. Made me what I am by just being who they are. It's a symbiotic relationship we make, when we meet new friends. Like my quote from the Tao Te Ching at the top there, friends exist not for themselves...they can, and will live on. I have a part of all my friends with me, and they all live on. In my memories, in my heart. In who I am, and who I want to be. Thank you, friends. I'll always keep you close to my heart. :0) ---- Okay, so anyway...searching through translations of the Tao Te Ching, I found this fairly funny, slanged out version of it. Take a look...here's a translation I enjoy: blogged by Chaz @ 3:17 AM |
7.01.2001It is an ineffable female Whose entrance is the source of the World; Tao is ever present within it: Draw upon it and it will never fail. A day of absolutely nothing. Quiet. Calm. Resting. Relaxing. Lazy. I made some tuna fish. Umm. Nothin' else happened. I slept in until about 3pm today. I kept having one of those dreams, where I wake up, but the dream isn't over, so I go back to sleep to finish it. I did that about 5 times. I don't even remember what it was about. Something to do with a couch. Musta been really interesting. :0P Anyhoo... blogged by Chaz @ 8:13 PM |